In June, Chris went back to the dr. to see if the meds were working. In the meantime, while waiting on results, I started to get my hopes up, once again. I was convinced that I had already conceived. By my calculations, I was two days late. BUT, by the app on my phone, I was not late. Guess who was right? You guessed it, technology.I guess it is a smart phone :) Yet another disaappointment.
The drs asst. called and gave us the results of Chris' test ; some things are improving, some are not. I was (and am) disappointed. Why can't we get some kind of really good news, even if we don't conceive? A piece of good news would be helpful. The dr. is supposed to call us this coming Tuesday.
I over analyze things. I always have and always will. That's just me. Part of me wants to stop all of this; the drs. visits, the ovulation predictors, the tests, and most importantly the stress! But part of me thinks that would be giving up on God, and I am not going to do that. But when is enough, enough?
Then, I wonder if it is time to begin other routes such as IVF. But how do I know this is God's will for us? What if now is not when God wants us to have a baby? How would we get the money? And what if failed? I know a person shouldn't worry, that's why we have God.
God wouldn't let me go through all of this for nothing, would He? I just don't believe He would. I told Chris that God has spoken to me and told me that we would have a child. I have a bedroom full of hand me downs that shows I believe Him. Chris says, He doesn't know what God's plan is, and I shouldn't over analyze everything, and not having a baby right now, may be a blessing of some kind.
I want to keep faith, but sometimes I do get scared. I think about the baby names that we have picked out, that we may never get to use. I think about the room that Chris calls the "baby" room that may never have a baby sleep in it. I think about all of the traditions that I would love to start, and may never get to.
But with all of this..... I have to stand on the promises of God and keep telling myself that He keeps His promises.
Please keep praying for us, not only that God will give us a child, but that He will comfort us and let us make the right decisions, for us to follow the path He has chosen for us.
Hebrews 10:36 KJV: For ye have need for patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.
