God Knows What We Need

Just a short follow up.... our dr. called this morning. Finally, a little bit of good news. Praise God! Chris' test showed that everything is pretty much in normal range.. still kind of low, but normal. That's good news, right?
The dr. told us that really there is no reason why we can't conceive with those test numbers. He suggested that I might want to go back to a fertility dr. that specializes in females. Another option, he said, was for us to do a few more rounds of IUIs (inseminations).
I have been checked from head to toe (or should I say from head to, well, I won't go there~lol)! Everything checks out with me. And for the inseminations, I just don't think I'm ready to do that again right now. Maybe in the future.
As for right now, I think I'm just gonna pray and hope that God gives us a miracle!!! Patience is a virtue.

Psalms 37:5 Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

I Give Up..... Or Do I??

In June, Chris went back to the dr. to see if the meds were working. In the meantime, while waiting on results, I started to get my hopes up, once again. I was convinced that I had already conceived. By my calculations, I was two days late. BUT, by the app on my phone, I was not late. Guess who was right? You guessed it, technology.I guess it is a smart phone :) Yet another disaappointment.
The drs asst. called and gave us the results of Chris' test ; some things are improving, some are not. I was (and am) disappointed. Why can't we get some kind of really good news, even if we don't conceive? A piece of good news would be helpful. The dr. is supposed to call us this coming Tuesday.
I over analyze things. I always have and always will. That's just me. Part of me wants to stop all of this; the drs. visits, the ovulation predictors, the tests, and most importantly the stress! But part of me thinks that would be giving up on God, and I am not going to do that. But when is enough, enough?
Then, I wonder if it is time to begin other routes such as IVF. But how do I know this is God's will for us? What if now is not when God wants us to have a baby? How would we get the money? And what if failed? I know a person shouldn't worry, that's why we have God.
God wouldn't let me go through all of this for nothing, would He? I just don't believe He would. I told Chris that God has spoken to me and told me that we would have a child. I have a bedroom full of hand me downs that shows I believe Him. Chris says, He doesn't know what God's plan is, and I shouldn't over analyze everything, and not having a baby right now, may be a blessing of some kind.
I want to keep faith, but sometimes I do get scared. I think about the baby names that we have picked out, that we may never get to use. I think about the room that Chris calls the "baby" room that may never have a baby sleep in it. I think about all of the traditions that I would love to start, and may never get to.
But with all of this..... I have to stand on the promises of God and keep telling myself that He keeps His promises.
Please keep praying for us, not only that God will give us a child, but that He will comfort us and let us make the right decisions, for us to follow the path He has chosen for us.

Hebrews 10:36 KJV: For ye have need for patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

Even Mud looks good!

Chris is my best friend and I love the nights where we lay in bed and think about our future. Its been almost 13 years, and I am in awe that we still do that. Of course we have our arguements, but the good definately out ways the bad!
You see, going through this "trial" of infertility has made me change (for the better of course). I have grown to love my husband so much more and I have matured so much over the past three years.
During these past three years, I have also grown to love Christ and have learned how to lean on Him. He is the same God in the valley as He is on the mountain.
I want Chris and I to have a child more than anything and I know Chris wants that too. The other night when we were having one of our conversatonions about the future, I asked Chris if he liked a certain baby name. I've probably asked him about a million names. However, this time, his response was a little different. He said, "Honey, I'd let you name it Mud, if we could just have a baby."
God will give us a baby, I know this. I should not question when, because He has the perfect plan for us!
So please keep praying for us, pray that if it's God will, we will soon have our Baby Mud! :)

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Back To the Dr.!

About a week ago, Chris and I headed back to Knoxville to get the semen analysis done to see if the meds were working. Everything seemed to go ok this time. But then yesterday I got the results! Not good!! The semen analysis is worse now than it was 2 and 1/2 years ago. The receptionist muttered the results to me, and at the end said IVF is still recommended (keep in mind that this our old dr. not the dr in Cincinnati).
For those of you that may not know what IVF is, it is a procedure where they would take Chris sperm and inject it directly into the egg. It is a very costly procedure- that cost up to $30,000! It's not guaranteed and there is a risk you will lose all of your money. Maybe one day that will be God's plan for us, but not for now!
I had promised God that no matter what the results, I would still have faith, and I do, but, talk about disheartened!I am at the bottom and have no where to turn but to the Almighty God who can heal anybody! We thought for sure that this would be IT.....the answer. We have done everything the dr. has told us to do. So I cried and cried....and cried. Sometimes I feel worthless and sometimes, I even feel like I am doing something wrong in the Lord's eyes.
I believe when you are going through trials, you desire to be around Christians. I called my BFF, who God gave to me because she has went through infertility too. Her mom told me she was going to pray for me and I felt her prayers, which made me feel better.
Dr. Russell (from Cincinnati) called today to go over the results. He said that he has never seen the medicine cause a decline. His theory is 1. The test was a "bad" test. 2. There are other medical problems (that I will not go into detail about at this time). So, he said we should keep our fingers crossed and do more tests in about 6 weeks.
God will give us a child! I want Him to have all the glory. Everyone will see what the Lord has given us....and they will see that God keeps his promises.
As for me, I will not keep my fingers crossed, but I will pray to God for the next 6 weeks for this to be a "bad test." I will pray for Him to heal Chris' body and to give us a beautiful baby. Please, join us in prayer. :)
"And her neighbors and cousins heard how the Lord had shewd great mercy upon her, and they rejoiced with her." Luke 1:58

The Drs. Appt

Last night, Chris and I went to Knoxville because Chris had to be at the dr. by 7:30. We drove through some terrible storms, dodged fallen debris on the interstate, and didn't get much sleep because the mattress was as hard as a rock. We had a terrible time, but I was still praising God, because we had transportation to get there, we were not in any accidents, we had money for the dr. and the hotel room (eventhough it was a Red Roof Inn, nothing fancy). But, things didn't turn out the way I wanted today. I can't go into much detail but the test (that has to be done to see if his medicine is working) has been postponed for another week or two. That means more time traveling, more money spent, and more anxiety. I feel bad because I became upset. I just wanted one thing to go my way!!! One piece of good news! But, I know, I should try not to let my emotions get the best of me. It only makes things worse. Chris is a great husband and will be a great dad one day. I don't want to make him feel guilty or sad. I don't need test results to tell me things will be ok....God can do that! "Praise God even when the Devil is working on you." Matthew 19:25But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With Men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Putting the Pieces Together.

I have already started to get the butterfly feeling.... Chris has an appt. this coming week, in Knoxville, to see if the meds are working. Please pray that they are!!! Our dr.is in Cincinnati, but he was kind enough to allow us to do some test in Knoxville (so we'd be closer to home). I was thinking, today, about how God's plan is so perfect, it all fits together like puzzle pieces. Before I even knew what our fertility issues were, I prayed for God to lead us in the right direction. First I felt like I should go to a regular OBGYN, so I did. It was there, that we learned that Chris needed to see a dr. She recommended the dr. (we are now seeing in Cincinnati). I prayed more and was lead to a fertility specialist (in Knoxville). It was there, that we spent lots of money and had lots of heartache. We did 4 rounds of IUIs (inseminations that are done to get "it" closer to the egg.) Each time, we were expecting to get good news, but we never did. I questioned God a lot during this time. Why would He lead me to this place? This Dr? Why would he intend on us spending this much money? I kept telling my bff that I felt like God was leading me here, but didn't know why. But, you see, its part of the puzzle! Part of his plan! This was part of our trial, our journey. And oh, how much He has taught me along the way!! Now, we are seeing a Male Reproductive Specialist/Uriologist in Cincinnati, but Chris is able to have his test done in Knoxville (with our old dr.). So, you see, God had a plan all along. He lead me to these drs, and they are all playing a part in our journey. I wouldn't change a thing!!! "Truely I have spoken, truely I will bring it to pass. I have planned it. surely I will do it!"Isaiah 46:3-11

Yesterday's Mail....From:????

So yesterday, I opened the mailbox, and to my surprise there was a card. A Congratulations on Your Baby card!?!?! The outside of the card said, "Misty, Congratulations on the Birth of Your Baby!" The inside was a description of a Mother. My first thought was, "Who could be this cruel?" (the card said it was from area businesses). "The Devil sure knows how to get you when you are down!" But then I calmed down a bit, and a sense of peace filled my body. I remembered what a Pastor said the other day.... "When the Devil is out to get you, praise God. This lets the Devil know that his game is not working!" I took the card in and showed it to Chris. He threatened to call the place it was from. But I refused to let him. I said, "I am going to put this up so that it can remind us of whats to come!" Corithians 5:7 "We live by faith, not by sight."